I’ve never been married but that’s not to say I’ve never known love.  I’m not talking about that frivolous kind of love that you see every where these days.  We’re talking Noah and Allie, Notebook kinda love.  That kind of love that you want to post on Facebook about constantly so that everyone else can know how happy the two of you are.  Its a special feeling.

I’ve been in love a few times in my life but no love has ever reached the depths that flour tortillas and I have.  They’re so versatile that it’s hard to not love them.  I remember our first days together when I thought beef tacos a  la Taco Bell was all she had to offer.  I was so young and foolish.

I’ll never forget where I was the first time I heard the word barbacoa.  I was in San Angelo at one of the many burrito places the city has to offer.  My life has never been the same.  Barbacoa has literally made me more of a man.  The doctor didn’t have to tell me my heart was in trouble because everyone knew it.  My sweaty palms, shallow breaths, and red face were all telltale signs.

You know its love when they’re the first thing you think about in the morning.  I’m a little embarrassed to admit how many nights I spent eating flour tortillas only to wake up and have more for breakfast.  It wasn’t always the classy 5 dollar burritos you see at a restaurant either.  Sometimes it was just whatever cheap burrito I could find at the corner store that part of you knew had just been heated up in a microwave.  

I’d like to say we lived happily ever after but, unfortunately, some love stories just aren’t meant to be.  Some relationships are just too toxic to continue.  It doesnt mean that either party is necessarily bad its just that you aren’t good together.  We’ve been in an on and off again relationship for thirty or so years.  Thats what has made the last three weeks so difficult.

I haven’t had a flour tortilla in 21 days.  Thats not to say I haven’t thought about them.  I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t thinking about them all the way through my taco salad earlier today.  I’d like to say it gets easier but it would ring too hollow.  Whats truly hard is that I know we could compromise with corn tortillas but it just wouldnt be the same.  

Right now I need to work on me.  I’m down 12 pounds now and I’m not nearly as emotionally worn out as I had been while we were together.  I’m really trying to work on myself as a person.  I weighed a flat 200 pounds today and couldn’t help but think about the bright times to come.  

If you happen to see my old flame around please dont blame her or treat her differently.  Just tell her Im well and that I wish the same for her.

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